Bullying is an educated habit. The children who bully other kids are taught bullying from parents, adults, the teachers, television and their fellow classmates. Through this bombardment, they learn that it is acceptable behavior. If anyone read that list and chose one of them as the answer, you are wrong! All of those people teach bullying equally, reinforced and tolerated. It is not one person, individual or singular action that can be solely blamed for bullying. Unfortunately, we do it to each other often. When we can’t get our way, we result to threats of lawsuits, blackmail and extortion. The fear of a bad review, a snide comment, an ugly publication of private information… You may feel justified but it is a form of bullying, passive aggressive and vengeful. You are teaching to each other and to your kids.
Bullying is not a new thing. It has been going on since the dawn of time. Cartoons have made fun of it; “the caveman with the club dragging his wife by the hair.” Wars are a form of bullying. Taxes are a form of bullying. Penalties, fees and foreclosures are bullying. Turn on the TV and watch a cop show; the police officer bullies the innocent victim or maybe guilty into coughing up details to a crime.
Passive aggressive bullying is far worse, a type of invisible toxicity that creeps into the veins. It is harder to identify, especially in a group where everyone is part of the mob action. At least in physical harm, there is something to point at and someone to blame. In the emotional and mental games that people play it becomes more difficult to discern, and more importantly, a lot easier to shift the blame on the victim. They call the victim paranoid, tell them to calm down or ignore the person’s calls for justice. Call someone “trivial” to make people avoid taking him/her seriously.
At worst, the bully, or bullies, start acting like victims themselves to spin the truth into their favor. These are predators who are empowered by their ability to manipulate misery into someone’s life. They do not feel guilty for their actions. They feel vindicated when the victim is attacked again with false accusations.
Such actions can be frustrating and impossible to break through with the truth. No one will hear it, especially if they do not see you as bullied victim. In some cases, the bully has convinced themselves so thoroughly that they are victims that it is unlikely they will not see their actions as mean spirited or even unfair.
Bullying is power; a control over other people. It makes the perpetrator feel empowered, strong and gleeful for the misery that they can inflict over other people. It gives them a false sense of importance; a belief that the ruined world revolves around them. They do not need to work hard to do anything and can pass the burden of guilt onto someone else until they do the work for them.
When the Bullied becomes tired of being a victim, he/she stands up for themselves. This usually surprises the bullies and they step up their bullying, making Bullied lives even worse and turning more people against them. The resultant attacks forces the Bullied to become a recluse, closing in on oneself. On rare occasions, they fight harder. The harder that the victim fights; the more vindicated the passive aggressive bully becomes. When they stipulate that the Bullied are the perpetrator, people see the victim as the culprit and it makes the situation worse.
In bad situations, the victim becomes violent and then the bullies stand higher on their high horses of justification.
Best way to defend or identify the bullies from the victims is to watch actions, not the words. The words are misdirecting. The tears are masks. So often, the person running away is the victim and not the terrifying bully. It’s easier to build up rumor, start gossip about someone who is not there, which plays into the bully’s hands.
Sometimes walking away is a choice, but corruption thrives on these choices. Bullies survive through apathy and complacency, giving them a free hand to do as they please and spin half truths that keep them in business. The weighing of choice against bullies can be a heavy burden on the mindset of a victim but sometimes you have to stand up against their cruelty. After all, the real choice is to save their next victim, if you care about such a thing.
Unfortunate for most physical brutal bullies, the mass of cameras and media devices available in the hands of the average person can scare away these people from doing physical harm when their actions can be displayed all over the internet. The ugly innuendo, the pervasive gossip or the subtle passive comments are the impossible things to record. How can you take a picture of a darkened heart?
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